Sam and Edna are arguing. They are yelling over one another, each jumping in before the other can finish a thought or a sentence. Their back and forth is getting louder and louder, faster and faster and nastier and nastier. They’ve done this a thousand times before. If asked about it later, each of them
Dependence on a Reflected Sense of Self = I am who I am in your eyes. I am not sure who I am without seeing myself in your eyes (or those of other people in my life). Because you are important to me, I need you to make me feel positive about myself. To prove
School bullying is back in the news with the occurrence of recent tragic events. There seems to be a public perception that bullying is becoming more common. I am skeptical of this, but cannot argue that cyber-bullying has made this behavior more public and visible. It’s difficult to hide from the reality of cruelty between
There are many physiological reasons why diets don’t work. This entry explains some emotional reasons why diets are doomed to fail. Diets reinforce an “external locus of control” vs. an “internal locus of control”. One’s “locus” (Latin for “place” or “location”) can either be internal (meaning the person believes that they control their life) or
Alice and Jed, like many couples I see in therapy, are nice, bright people who love each other very much. They long to feel closer and more connected to one another, yet are stuck in a quagmire of conflict, resentment, and emotional distance. They are having a terrible time finding their way to the relationship
During couple’s counseling sessions, if I ask one member of a couple if he’s had a good week since the last therapy session, he is likely to say (this could be the she as well of course) “Yes we did” or “No, we were upset most of the time”. You notice I asked how the
Shelby is a 42 year-old woman who has come into therapy because she’s unhappy with her marriage. She says she’s lonely and depressed because her husband, Perry, doesn’t pay enough attention to her or the kids. He’s either at work or home in the garage tinkering with one of his projects. He usually drinks a
Carol has started therapy because of her concerns about her younger sister, Kaitlyn. Carol is 33 and is a bank branch manager. She has been married to Fred, 35, for 10 years. They have one child, Douglas, 8. Kaitlyn, 29, is recently unemployed and living back home with her parents. Carol and Kaitlyn are the
Am I normal? Are we normal? Is this normal? This can’t be normal, can it? Normal people don’t do this, do they? These are common questions in my therapy sessions. Folks I work with are often convinced that their struggles are somehow abnormal, strange, or even bad. This fear is understandable because people generally don’t
Alicia and Jose are raising three kids; Miguel, 12, Mercedes, 10, and Micah, 8. Miguel and Mercedes are generally doing well in school, socially, and at home. The youngest, Micah, is a different story. He argues back every time he’s told to do something, he hates to go to bed and often still climbs into
