Category Archives: Couples

This Is Us, Systems Style

This is Us is a beloved, popular new TV show.  If the reader is one of the few who haven’t seen it already, a family of five is featured; parents Jack and Rebecca and their 3 children, Randall, Kevin, and Kate. Kate and Kevin are biological twins while the orphaned Randall, born on the same

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Unhappy-couples_1984918c

Session 3: Parents Create Change in the Family System

Jenny* and Stefan are parents having difficulty with their 7 year-old son, Nicholas. They have come into therapy to create change in their family system.  This is their third therapy session. Stefan:  I know we started seeing you for therapy because of Nicholas, but things are going much better with him lately.  Jen and I are

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60 Minutes Interview

Emotional Triangles with Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton

The Bowen Family Systems Theory concept of Emotional Triangles was illustrated in a recent T.V. interview with Hillary Clinton and Barack Obama. Reporter Steve Kroft interviewed Clinton and Obama. They answered his questions about how they resolved their differences after the contentious 2008 election.  Both acknowledged that their staffs and their spouses had more difficulty

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Healing From an Affair

Understanding Marital Infidelity: The Key to Healing From an Affair

The key to healing from an affair lies in making the effort to understand, really understand, how you and your mate have been operating in your relationship. Dwayne* came in for therapy after discovering that his wife, Gina, had been seeing another man for the past six months. He was   understandably devastated and confused. 

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Affair-Proof Your Marriage

Affair-Proof your marriage, 4 Do’s and 4 Don’ts

Maybe some folks get married with the thought that it’s o.k. to have an affair or two along the way. After all, marriage lasts a long time, right? But surely this is not true for most people. Almost everyone assumes that if their spouse cheated on them it would be a deal breaker. And almost

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Office Romance

2 Universal Truths about Affairs

Everyone knows it’s wrong to cheat when they’re in a in a relationship. Yet despite the predictable terrible consequences, infidelity has always been, and probably always will be, part of the relationship landscape. The question is, why? In my last blog post I exposed some common myths about affairs. Now it’s time for the truth. Truth #1:  There is

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infidelity

4 Common Myths about Infidelity

Infidelity Myths Exposed People have lots of theories about why infidelity is as common as it is. Most of these theories don’t hold water. It is difficult to deal with an issue that is so painful and destructive to families. Therefore, it is important to try to have an accurate, objective understanding of what’s really happening when

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Giving up to Go Along

What does it mean to accommodate, or give up “self”, to preserve harmony? Ellis is a 53 year-old father of two. His wife, Stacy, is 51. Ellis runs a successful insurance business and Stacy is a homemaker. Their kids, Evan, 22, and Sheri, 19, are living at home. Evan started college at 18 but quit

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Time Together, Time Apart

Chloe:  When we met, my husband was so attentive.  He was always buying me flowers, calling, stopping by my work-sometimes it was even a little too much.  Now that we’ve been together for a few years he never does that stuff anymore.  He doesn’t even seem that interested in sex.  I’ve stopped initiating because I’m

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