Category Archives: Relationships

The Family Mindset: A Shared Perceptual Field in the Emotional Unit of the Family

            I recently finished reading the challenging book, “Empire of Pain, The Secret History of the Sackler Dynasty”, written by Patrick Radden Keefe.* I use the word challenging both because of its 535 pages, and its subject matter. For the Sackler family referred to in the title is widely considered to

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You’re Not the Boss of Me/You Don’t Care About Me

Togetherness and Individuality are Fundamental Life Forces As recently as this June I had been anticipating a relatively laid-back summer. No big plans on the horizon after a lovely summer vacation. The Yiddish expression for what actually happened is, “Mann Tracht, Un Gott Lacht.” (“Man plans and God laughs.”) Instead of weeks of imagined leisure

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How to Help Silicon Valley Turn Your Kid into a Tech Addict

It’s not just Xbox, PlayStation, Apple, Google or Reddit turning kids into tech addicts. Parents are doing their part, too. Many, many parents worry their children have unhealthy obsessions with their electronics.  Frequent and fierce power struggles over tech time are the new normal. Tech manufacturers work hard to make their products as enticing as

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This Is Us, Systems Style

This is Us is a beloved, popular new TV show.  If the reader is one of the few who haven’t seen it already, a family of five is featured; parents Jack and Rebecca and their 3 children, Randall, Kevin, and Kate. Kate and Kevin are biological twins while the orphaned Randall, born on the same

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Are you a Mama Grizzly? Do you give your kids more help than they need?

What’s Wrong With Being a Mama Grizzly For Your Kids?

What’s Wrong With Being a Mama Grizzly For Your Kids? Silvina, a self-proclaimed “mama grizzly,” came in for a consultation because she was so worried about her daughter.  Laura, 22, had recently moved back home after she’d lost her job as a sales representative.  Silvina reported that Laura was sleeping late, refusing to apply for

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Family Therapy

Systems Theory Versus Cause-and-Effect Thinking in Therapy

What are the differences between Systems Theory and Cause-and-Effect Thinking in Therapy? James* came into therapy after being arrested for driving under the influence of alcohol.  His M.D. told him he’s probably an alcoholic. Celia wants help due to conflict with her husband, Tomas. Art is in therapy because some days he’s too depressed to

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10 Reasons to Have a Relationship With a Family Member Who’s Been Mean to You

 “Why Should I Have a Relationship With a Family Member Who’s Been Mean to Me?” People who come to me for therapy know that I advocate developing and maintaining contact with as many members of the nuclear and extended family as possible.  Some clients are initially skeptical of this idea: You may have had conflict

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