How to get the most out of therapy using Family Systems Theory

It is inevitable that tension will arise between any two people who spend enough time together. The natural reaction is that one or both of them will involve a third person in the relationship. This can be done through gossip, affairs, “venting” to an outsider, joining together to worry about or blame a third person, or hiring someone to intervene in a conflict (therapists, lawyers, consultants, mediators, etc.). This is what Bowen called “triangling,” the purpose of which is to relieve anxiety in the emotional system by providing it with another “circuit” to run. When the simple triangle is no longer able to absorb the anxiety in the system, another triangle will be created. Bowen saw all relationship systems as connected series of interlocking triangles. (Bowen, 1978, p. 161)

At any moment in time participants in the emotional triangle form a two-insiders one-outsider configuration. This insider-outsider formation can shift rapidly. For example, in a simple triangle between a mother, father, and child, the mother and child may be chatting in the kitchen (insider position) while dad watches TV in the den (outsider position). Then Dad comes into the kitchen and asks the child if she’s done her homework, moving the two of them to the inside position and Mom on the outside. If Mom answers Dad for the child, “Yes, she’s done her homework,” then she’s moved herself into the inside position with Dad, putting the child into the outside position. This is a completely ordinary interaction and simply describes the way humans-and probably other animals as well-form and maintain relationships. Learn about the family systems concept of triangles for use in your own life to help you to get the most out of therapy with Lorna.